Sep
7th
Mon
7th
Caleb’s Secrets to Free Meals
- Be single. Seriously. Being a young bachelor apparently makes people feel sorry for you or something. I guess they must think that you really don’t want to and/or can’t cook (and they would be correct on the “don’t want to” part for me).
- Love food. Don’t be picky. Eat everything and anything. You really need to love food, and express this love as much as possible.
- Eat lots of food. This helps the preparer understand that you really love their free food.
- Motherly instincts are your friend. I think it helps when you’re getting fed by mothers who have grown up sons. When you start eating a ton of food, it brings back those motherly instincts of their boys growing up. Motherly instincts are awesome—especially when it comes to them wanting to feed you more and more.
- Be able to fix stuff. For example, sometimes I think people just have me over for dinner sometimes to “suddenly” remember that “oh what a crazy coincidence, while you’re here, I have this computer problem…” and I’m more than happy to oblige considering they just gave me nourishment to keep me alive a little bit longer.
- Never say no. If somebody asks you to go out or come over for a meal, even if it’s breakfast at 6:30am, never say “no”.
- Be awesome. Like me.
For all those who have given me free meals, thank you. I love you very much, and am forever hugdebted* to you
*”hugdebted” means that you can ask for a hug, and I’ll happily oblige
